03.24.08

So it's hard to believe that in less than 30 hours I will be sitting on a plane, on my way back to the great home land. It's gone way too fast here; it's almost all too much to sit back and consider at once. I am sure that just like how I never felt like I was really going to Thailand until I set foot here, that the impact of everything that has happened won't be fully realized in me until I land back home.

In life, people always for some reason like to have final closings for the ending of certain chapters, and I guess that I could say that whatever dawning upon me now would the ending to one of those. But instead of overflowing with grandoise words of great measure, I find myself left just sitting here speechless. I'm not entirely sure what to write, and to be honest, that is kind of how I've felt for most of the entire trip.

It's things like sin paraded in the faces of all in the middle of broad daylight, embodied in an unmatched couple holding hands. Or hundreds of lepers, dirty and begging on the streets, with nagging faces and hands, demented and shrivled and reaching out. Or boys changing into women. Or shrines dedicated to the appeasement of spirits. Or girls dancing nearly naked on a pole.

And it's also things like the constant stickiness of the air, or the sight of a roast goose head and its body hanging there by its twisted little neck, or the taste of one of Sandra's yummy Smartie cookies, or the sound of the SkyTrain doors closing, or a bloated dog lying at the bottom of a set of stairs with a plastic cup on its head.

And more than experiences, it's been feelings. Feelings of love and frustration, of uselessness and serving, of questioning and hoping. And more than feelings it's been learning. And in addition to learning it's been resting. And asking. And working, and praying, and talking, and crying, and dreaming, and overcoming. And it's been hard, but, like always, it's been good. There's been testing and there's been triumph. And it's been painful. My heart even still feels broken now, and I can't even tell why.

So I guess I just don't know what to say. And just like how I was frustrated by the hours I spent trying to fall asleep last night, I am now am also frustrated by the hours I have just spent trying to get together some words to explain things to you. But the truth is, I just don't know how.

03.15.08

It's the middle of Saturday afternoon here now, and everything is just making it feel like one of those long summer days back home... You know, those ones where it's too hot to do anything so everyone just stays at home with nothing to do, and it just feels perfect to sit and relax with the fans blowing and nothing really pressing on your mind. So in the lull of this hot and humid day I thought I should show you a few pictures. Take a look...

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A normal day on Sukhumvit road. You can see that a vendor setting up his merchandise amid the hundreds of vendors here. It's incredible how much is sold on the streets in Bangkok. From cheap Louis Vutton purses to Dior sunglasses and Rolex watches. We're not really sure how authentic they are, but you name it and they've probably got it here.

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This would probably be the worst toilet I've had to use so far, which isn't that bad compared to some, but it still was a shock to me. Ew. So wrong. Three cheers for the squatty potty! Hooray!

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This is my experience on a "tuk tuk", which is something like a motorized rickshaw. This driver was especially hilarious. Sandra jokingly told him that he was mentally insane ("baa baa baaw baaw" in Thai) when he started driving down the wrong side of the road, so the whole rest of the trip he kept on saying to himself "baa baa baaw baaw!", "baa baa baaw baaw!" whenever he would pull risky moves. So when I wasn't choking on the fumes from the cars ahead of us, I just couldn't stop laughing. It was quite the experience.

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The view from the exit I take off the SkyTrain platform when I'm on my way to NightLight. That building with the blue top there is Jai Samarn Church, and it is very near to where I've been working at the NightLight office. The girls meet in there every morning for a worship service, and then church is held on Sunday as well.

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I had to take this picture very discreetly, which is why it's so off centre. There are many women like this around the city, posing as a beggars but actually raising money for a gang organization. I have seen them a few times now, and they always have small children with them. The children are also always sleeping, so we believe that they are drugged to sleep so that they are easier to handle while the women beg. You can see this woman here with the sleeping child sprawled in her lap and a cup in her hands, asking for money.

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This is the area in which NightLight does outreach ministry twice a week, at the Nana Entertainment Plaza in the Nana district of Bangkok. To get to the plaza, we walk down a small street (it is almost more like a cul-de-sac) and then there is an open complex with multiple bars that employ hundreds and hundreds of girls.

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I was able to take a trip to the plaza during the day with a youth missions team that was here from Ontario. It was absolutely shocking to see how different it was in the day compared to the night. The place was dead. Almost nobody was there. There was no blaring music, or colorful lights, or near naked bodies. And yet somehow still, the air felt heavy. Weighty with the presence of things unseen and the attrocities nights previous.

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Here is a picture of the entrance of the street that I snapped just as we were leaving the bars last night. The place was just reaming with people and bodies, but I managed to get a picture when there weren't too many in the way. It was another battle of a night, heavy with those intoxicated by sin, yet covered in prayer and spotted with triumph. Bless the Lord.

03.05.08

It's been a few days now and my heart, mind, and body have all together felt like they've been on a few roller coasters of many sorts. (None too extreme though, so don't get worried about being worried). I'm starting to get used to my schedule now, and I feel that as every day moves on I'm beginning to learn to adapt a little bit more and a little bit better. It's slow but sure.

I really do love being here. I feel very much awake and alive and strong and serene. In everything I do, I love to take in the deep breaths and experience it all with eyes wide open. Everything mingles with the senses here. Everything is alive and greets you with a breath of hope or blow of despair. The stench of foul sewage lingers and mixes with the hot air that rises from the streets. And, on the other side, the sweet smell of steamed corn does the same as it is faithfully stewed and tended by its familiar street vendor. This is now. It is everyday here, and I will take it all in.

The go-go bars were heartbreaking, shocking, indescribable, and detestable all together at once. As I walked in, with lights flashing and music raging, girls smiling with fictitious faces, showing us through those bleak curtains into a world of perversion and broken dreams, I took in one glance, one glimmer, one breath, and then understood that this was one thing that was not for me to take in. I couldn't be there just for an experience or a story; I stood there purely as a warriorbride, treading into the essence of evermost darkness with victory as my badge, as one who bears the mark of Heaven. I am light. And as we know, light does not mix with darkness. It pierces it. As I walked out, feeling that acrid cloud of evil falling like dark scales from my grieving skin, I prayed that what I experienced in that place would forever perturb my heart, knowing that it would leave me all the more broken, pure, and forever full of love.


Please keep me in your prayers as I continue on day to day. Pray that both my eyes and my heart would be open and that I would be willing to reach out, even in the most insignificant and miniscule ways. Pray that I would be able to be love in everyway, and that through this I would learn the lessons that God would have me to learn. Come with me as we live as though the world will be changed. All things are possible!