In life, people always for some reason like to have final closings for the ending of certain chapters, and I guess that I could say that whatever dawning upon me now would the ending to one of those. But instead of overflowing with grandoise words of great measure, I find myself left just sitting here speechless. I'm not entirely sure what to write, and to be honest, that is kind of how I've felt for most of the entire trip.
It's things like sin paraded in the faces of all in the middle of broad daylight, embodied in an unmatched couple holding hands. Or hundreds of lepers, dirty and begging on the streets, with nagging faces and hands, demented and shrivled and reaching out. Or boys changing into women. Or shrines dedicated to the appeasement of spirits. Or girls dancing nearly naked on a pole.
And it's also things like the constant stickiness of the air, or the sight of a roast goose head and its body hanging there by its twisted little neck, or the taste of one of Sandra's yummy Smartie cookies, or the sound of the SkyTrain doors closing, or a bloated dog lying at the bottom of a set of stairs with a plastic cup on its head.
And more than experiences, it's been feelings. Feelings of love and frustration, of uselessness and serving, of questioning and hoping. And more than feelings it's been learning. And in addition to learning it's been resting. And asking. And working, and praying, and talking, and crying, and dreaming, and overcoming. And it's been hard, but, like always, it's been good. There's been testing and there's been triumph. And it's been painful. My heart even still feels broken now, and I can't even tell why.
So I guess I just don't know what to say. And just like how I was frustrated by the hours I spent trying to fall asleep last night, I am now am also frustrated by the hours I have just spent trying to get together some words to explain things to you. But the truth is, I just don't know how.
